Coming Up Next...

Coming Up Next
When I passed 7th grade, I was told "aa! that was nothing, wait until you are in high school!" In 12th grade I was warned, " oh! this is just a start, watch out for university!" After getting two degrees from top institutions in my country, today, I am cautioned, " Blah! This is peanuts compare to what you will face in the real world!"

Notice the trend here? We are genetically and socially wired to think that the next step is harder, more difficult, and more challenging than the one we have just finished taking. Is it really? My recent realization is that it's not always the case. How challenging is putting your left foot forward, once you have already landed your right foot on the ground? .... If anything, it's easier. For all these years, I was living in an illusion that the next step is much harder than the previous one, just because it's "coming up next".

Regardless of how hard the next step is, this entire attitude of fearing your incompatibility to what is coming next, is highly destructive. Instead we should adopt the perspective, that what I have accomplished so far, has made me capable of dealing with the next phase in my life. Yes, I have new challenges but may be,just may be, I am also blessed with new motivation, new friends, new direction and new guidelines along the way. Have I failed to notice these?

The key word is "new". Because we are stepping into a new zone, ( not any "harder" or "easier" per se), that novelty (unknown) is the root of our fears. But if and when it is geared properly, the same "unknown" can create much needed spark in our routine oriented life!

When infants learn to roll over, sit up, crawl, stand up, and finally start walking... Every step of their development is celebrated as a milestone of the next. There are milestones laying around all over the sand of time and on the beaches of our lives. All we need to do, is acknowledge them, appreciate them, celebrate them!

Next time you get nervous about what is coming up next try repeating this to yourself:  " oh! the hard part is already over! I have already learned how to stand, so now walking is easy!" :)

Cheers to our lives made easy!

Exercise Expectations

PART I: I have potential
At any stage in life, we often feel like the ant squished under a mountain of expectations. Even as a child we are expected to behave a certain way. Although we cannot make everyone happy, and fulfill all the expectations bestowed upon us, we must learn not to let them effect us in a negative way. There are two ways of looking at it 1) I am not good enough. or 2) I have potential to be better. Our happiness depends upon how we choose to think.

When I think about expectations on other entities in this universe, expectations on me seems quite minor. For example, the sun is expected to rise at a certain time. The whole world depends on sunlight to wake up, to eat, to grow and to live. Wow! What a huge responsibility? Though, I wonder if the Sun ever feels the burden of expectations like we do. Probably it doesn't, because it has made those expectations part of its identity. In fact, it is not that we expect the Sun to rise, but the one which rises every day, we call it the Sun. Similarly, our character should define the type of expectations we receive from others. 

Also, the Sun does not care if you wake up when it rises, it rises anyway. It doesn't wait for you to finish work before it sets, it sets anyway. Whether you expect or not, it spreads warmth anyway. When a quality is woven in our character, even if people stop expecting/caring/paying attention on that aspect of our personality it remains with us. The burden of expectations will stop being the burden the day we will realize them as our potential. The day we are able to accept that this is who I should be, I want to be and I will strive to be. We certainly cannot entertain every expectation that comes our way, but we must choose a few and take them as a starting point. Let the expectations upon us draw a guideline for our behavior and eventually guide our character development. 

PART II: Relative Expectations

The bulk of expectations that matters to us the most are usually from our friends and family. So, I have decided to discuss expectations specifically in the context of relations.

Why do we expect on the first place? My theory is that our expectations are directly proportional to our investment. Just as our investment of time and money in education comes with a certain career expectations, our investment of time and emotions in relationships accompany expectations. I view relationships as an emotional investment. We don’t expect the same from someone we just met versus our friends and family members. Why? Because we have not invested as much (time, efforts, sentiments) in the person we just met as oppose to those we have known for a while. It’s as simple as that!

Often we feel unhappy because we are not getting the same bang for our buck. We “feel” that we have invested so much in certain relationships and are not getting enough return. Our sky-high expectation for perfection from our loved ones is impossible to meet! It is not that we don’t get a proper return for our investment... the trouble is that we foolishly overestimate our investment, and underestimate our gain. Our terrible accounting skills are the root cause of our unhappiness, especially when it comes to emotional accounts.

Let’s remember that as a human being we all expect, and we always will. Where there is love, there are bound to be expectations. Therefore, love beyond expectations is extremely rare, challenging and considered an element of divinity. Paradoxically, the place where we are closest to finding such selfless love is also our family and friends. To expect is humanity, to not expect is divinity. Therefore, find peace in knowing that the only person we should expect from is our own selves and the only expectation we should bestowed upon ourselves is to expect nothing at all.

On a Long Drive!

J- for Journey

It is so easy to gain a narrow perspective in our life, and even easier to focus on yourself, here and now. When I had the following two conversation with different people (Names have been changed to protect their identity), I felt like I have woken up from a dream and finally shook hands with reality. I want to extend this feeling to my readers and have you enjoy this post...

***

On Suzie’s 50th birthday:
Me:  Hey, congratulations... 50th b'day is great, you have achieved so much. Great family, Great job, everything is settled, you have everything, you have got nothing to worry about.
Suzie: well, you still have something I don’t have.
Me: What’s that?
Suzie said:  Options. You still have all the options open in your life. Take advantage of it. 

***

"Dare to Fly" at London Jun 2012

I was completely taken back, and did not realized what I had was so valuable. From my perspective my options created confusion in my life. Not knowing what's next can be frustrating. Being stuck in a temporary failure cycle when u are trying to find/define your niche can be mentally draining. However, when I saw myself from her perspective, I felt like I had wings... I could practically fly anywhere ! 

***

Jasmine is 23. She is educated from a top university, found a well paying job, has a perfect boyfriend, and her parents are really well off (happy and enjoying their life).
Me: Hey, you are so young, and you have everything laid out for you. How awesome is that?
Jasmine: That’s what. There is nothing to look forward to in my life. It’s all saturated. At least you have something to look forward to.
***
She was right. Not being happy with what we have and where we are is one thing. But the fact that we need someone else's misery to realize the value of what we have is plain pathetic. What a shame!

Since then I realized, that even after reaching a destination, the one thing we miss the most, is the journey itself. We always need something to look forward to in our lives. The most difficult part is not reaching a destination but choosing to accept that you have arrived. Choosing to see and realized that where you have reached is where you needed to be and wanted to be on the first place. The most difficult part is defining your destination, and remembering that definition when you have arrived. [ For example, the difficult part is not falling in love, or being in love, but probably the most difficult part is choosing to admit it. ;) ]

The ideal destination is not where the journey ends, but from where a new journey can begin.  We might feel that others around us are happier than us, because they have reached their destination (by finding their passion, obtaining their dream job, or finding a true love), but if we look closely, where they have reached are only pit-stops in this long journey of life. And the key to happiness is to take life as a LONG DRIVE...and be in the constant search of new roads we can explore, it could be a hobby, a passion, a dance class, computer software, reading a book, learning a new language... or just simply being a better person. 

Congratulate yourself for having a LIFE... that IS A JOURNEY of infinite destinations...!

***
Related quotes:

• "It has been said that we need just three things in life: Something to do, Something to look forward to and someone to love."- Maya Angelou (American Author and Poet)

• "The powerful motivator in our lives isn’t money; it’s the opportunity to learn, grow in responsibilities, contribute to others, and be recognized for achievements."-Frederick Herzberg